We’re sure you already have the date marked with a big red heart in your diary already, ahem, but for all you non-romantics, here’s a pre-fourteenth of February kick up the arse…

That’s right, it’s the one night of the year when men across the globe are expected to chow down spaghetti with their loved ones a la Lady and the Tramp before having a moonlight stroll. Suck it up, there’s no getting out of it.

If you’re looking for anyone to blame as you dash to Clinton Cards direct your rage towards Esther Howland, an American gent who first developed the idea of celebrating the burial of the Ancient Roman Saint Valentine by exchanging handmade greetings in 1847.

Of course, these day a card, handmade or not, won’t cut it alone. If you don’t want to look like a walking cliché with a box of All Golds under one arm and a bunch of wilting of roses on the other, there are other options though...

For a gift that keeps on giving, lingerie is an obvious – not an M&S three-pack, mind. Coco de Mer’s Anisa Topan reckons there are a few options within this category…

“For the traditionalist, it's all about the red,” she explains. “Where would we be on V Day without it? This hot, red, saucy number will raise temperatures on both sides.” Alternatively, if you’re feeling a bit more adventurous and have a secret Lady Gaga fantasy, she recommends Coco de Mer's Stardust Body.

Or for those with a slightly fatter wallet, a holiday always goes down well – particularly now that it’s possible to make the journey from Kings Cross to Paris in under two hours. The French capital will always be the city of romance, but if you want something less obvious, Belgium offers the full-packet (chocolates for her, beer for you). Obviously anyone who’s seen Colin Farrell in action in In Bruge (it’s better than it looks, trust us) will head straight to that location, but Antwerp is a winner too.

Slightly less extravagant is a nice posh din (be warned though, she might be expecting to find a ring in her champagne glass). Since it’s the busiest night of the year for couples, be sure to book in advance – your dearest won’t be happy if you end up chomping on a doner in your local kebab house because there’s no room in the local five-star (unless you’re Mark Croft). It’s always worth trying for cancellations at the big restaurants (anything affiliated with Gordon Ramsey or Jamie Oliver) on the night – Valentine’s happens to be a popular time to split up (we blame it on the pressure).

Alternatively, if you don’t fancy all the pink balloons, arrange an amazing dinner at home – just order in a take away if you don’t know your mortar from your pestle.  It doesn’t take much effort to cut a pizza into the shape of a heart, but it might win you hers (aw).

If you are settling in at home for the night, we’re sure you have your own activities on the agenda, but it would still be nice to surprise her with a film – think A Brief Encounter or Casablana rather This Is England or Eden Lake. We’ll leave the rest of the night up to you, particularly if you went for the gift of lingerie. Be warned though, we just saw something on a website for our female counterparts about having a heart-shaped bikini wax and purchasing some red hair dye… Ermm - and you thought you had to go to a lot of effort!

We’re pretty sure you’ll have stopped reading by now if you’re not attached, but we’ve got news for single guys too – Valentine’s day is actually one of the best nights of the year to pull. Think about it, the evening acts as a sieve for taken girls - they’re all safely tucked up with their men, leaving the available one clearly marked and ready for the taking (probably feeling a bit desperate too).

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