The perfect lust-den
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If we’re honest, few of us have bedrooms that could accurately be described as pleasure palaces. Banging away against that old stained headboard, beneath a poster of Wayne Rooney (to cover the damp patch on the wall), in a mismatched, cluttered sweatbox that stinks of unwashed socks isn’t going to give anyone a night to remember.
If you want to really impress a woman, then few extravagancies do it better than a night or two in a hotel (and we don’t mean the Travelodge by the motorway). Here’s a selection of some of the world’s sexiest hotels for you to check out, and possibly check in to.
Ca Maria Adele, Venice, Italy
It’s a cliché but it’s a cliché that works. Venice might just be the most romantic destination on earth. We don’t know what it is about gondolas that gets women going but ours is not to reason why. The top-floor suite of the Ca Marie Adele overlooks the famous canal, and all those cinematic winding passageways with their seductive nooks and crannies. Housed in the ‘arty bit’ you’ll be away from gawking tourists, but before you step out for a moonlight punt (which the hotel will organise for you), you can avail yourself of the king-size bed which has, at its foot, a Jacuzzi surrounded in chocolate brown African wood. Costing between €300 and €675 per night, every room boasts a plasma screen and the hotel has a private landing stage, in case you’ve brought your own boat. Smooth.
Ca's Xorc, Mallorca, Spain
A dirty canal is one thing, but nothing gets the blood flowing like a sea view. That is, unless you have a sea view and a mountain vista. The 18th century Ca's Xorc, in the Baleric Islands of Spain has just that, offering panoramic spectacle from the comfort of the white linen draped bed in the hotel’s Rooftop Deluxe room. Dripping in rustic charm, you’ll be surrounded by olive groves and fragrant gardens as you bathe in the infinity pool (we still don’t understand how those work). There’s candlelit outdoor dining, massage and yoga available should you and your other half be feeling tense. And if you want celebrity endorsement, this is where Claudia Schiffer spent the night of her 30th birthday.
Charlton House, Somerset
Think the West Country can’t do sexy? Ooh ar, think again. Do it like the Tudors with a stay at Charlton House in Shepton Mallet. Like a living Mills & Boon novel, the South Wing room excels itself with an enormous four-poster bed made out of an Elizabethan fireplace, with the requisite canopy and a 16th century carved headboard And all 25 rooms are draped in Mulberry fabrics (the place is owned by the company’s founders). Or if you’d prefer to swan about pretending you’re in Brideshead Revisited, we recommend the Ostler room, with its copper bath by the window, and private courtyard. The more modern rooms have underfloor heating if that’s your thing. Rates are between £180–£465 a night.
The Witchery, Edinburgh
If you fancy taking role playing even further then we recommend a trip to The Witchery, at the gates of Edinburgh Castle. There are just seven suites on the top floor of this 17th century building so the chances of bumping into anyone you know are unlikely. The hotel specialises in theatrical decadence (don’t we all?) kitting out rooms, with names such as the Library, the Vestry and Inner Sanctum, with antiques, lavish velvet décor and oversized roll-top baths which their own website insists are big enough for two. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones have slept here, as has Dannii Minogue who described The Witchery as “the perfect lust-den”. And she looks like a lady who knows a perfect lust den when she sees one.
Adam & Eve, Turkey
If size matters, then head for the Adam & Eve on the Belek coastline. Not only does it boast of being “the world’s sexiest hotel”, it also lays claim to having the world’s longest swimming pool and an 88 meter long bar (though we’re not sure that speeds up the time it takes them to pull a pint). Its rooms go for the minimal and mirrored take on sexy, with a hi-tech lighting system to bathe the walls in any colour of your choosing. But the special touch is the addition of a couch/bed which can be manipulated into a position of your choosing, presumably so that you and your companion can also be manipulated into a position of your choosing. There are complimentary condoms in every bathroom too. It’d be rude not to have sex at the Adam & Eve after they’ve gone to so much effort.
Drakes Hotel, Brighton
We’ll end closer to home, Brighton to be precise. Long seen as the destination for dirty weekends with the wife (or more usually, someone else’s wife) Brighton offers superb seaside views and a changeable weather system to give you the perfect excuse to stay in bed. And you can’t stay in a finer, or bigger bed than the sumptuous seven-footer provided for you in room 104 of Drakes. This is where the celebs stay, when they’re down that way, taking advantage of the enormous free-standing bath and the beautiful sunsets over Brighton Pier. Rooms go for between £100 and £325, there’s a 24-hour bar, acclaimed restaurant, and massage service. Why would you ever go outside?
La Casa Que Canta, Playa La Ropa, Mexico
We're bordering on honeymoon territory here, so tread carefully when making the suggestion, but Playa La Ropa really does offer more than the stunning views and candle-light found elsewhere; perched on a cliff surrounded by the Sea of Zihuatanejo Bay, the resort is an architectural dream with some of the most elegant pools in the world, including several private ones within suites - perfect for a late night skinny-dip. If you want further evidence of the beauty, rent out the flick When A Man Loves A Woman, which was set at the very hotel.
Turtle Island Turtle Island, Fiji
One night might cost more than your entire annual mortgage (rates vary depending on time of year), but if you really want to do things in style, there's probably nowhere better than Turtle Island. Described by travel-bible Conde Nast Traveler as "hyper-romantic", the resort was chosen as the location for film The Blue Lagoon and offers the usual high-end golf-courses, pools and pristine beaches, although we wouldn't be surprised if you didn't want to leave your suite, where you can order in couples massages and moonlit dinner on the terrace. Trust us, for the indulgence, you will be rewarded (or at least you’d hope).
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If we’re honest, few of us have bedrooms that could accurately be described as pleasure palaces. Banging away against that old stained headboard, beneath a poster of Wayne Rooney (to cover the damp patch on the wall), in a mismatched, cluttered sweatbox that stinks of unwashed socks isn’t going to give anyone a night to remember.
If you want to really impress a woman, then few extravagancies do it better than a night or two in a hotel (and we don’t mean the Travelodge by the motorway). Here’s a selection of some of the world’s sexiest hotels for you to check out, and possibly check in to.
Ca Maria Adele, Venice, Italy
It’s a cliché but it’s a cliché that works. Venice might just be the most romantic destination on earth. We don’t know what it is about gondolas that gets women going but ours is not to reason why. The top-floor suite of the Ca Marie Adele overlooks the famous canal, and all those cinematic winding passageways with their seductive nooks and crannies. Housed in the ‘arty bit’ you’ll be away from gawking tourists, but before you step out for a moonlight punt (which the hotel will organise for you), you can avail yourself of the king-size bed which has, at its foot, a Jacuzzi surrounded in chocolate brown African wood. Costing between €300 and €675 per night, every room boasts a plasma screen and the hotel has a private landing stage, in case you’ve brought your own boat. Smooth.
Ca's Xorc, Mallorca, Spain
A dirty canal is one thing, but nothing gets the blood flowing like a sea view. That is, unless you have a sea view and a mountain vista. The 18th century Ca's Xorc, in the Baleric Islands of Spain has just that, offering panoramic spectacle from the comfort of the white linen draped bed in the hotel’s Rooftop Deluxe room. Dripping in rustic charm, you’ll be surrounded by olive groves and fragrant gardens as you bathe in the infinity pool (we still don’t understand how those work). There’s candlelit outdoor dining, massage and yoga available should you and your other half be feeling tense. And if you want celebrity endorsement, this is where Claudia Schiffer spent the night of her 30th birthday.
Charlton House, Somerset
Think the West Country can’t do sexy? Ooh ar, think again. Do it like the Tudors with a stay at Charlton House in Shepton Mallet. Like a living Mills & Boon novel, the South Wing room excels itself with an enormous four-poster bed made out of an Elizabethan fireplace, with the requisite canopy and a 16th century carved headboard And all 25 rooms are draped in Mulberry fabrics (the place is owned by the company’s founders). Or if you’d prefer to swan about pretending you’re in Brideshead Revisited, we recommend the Ostler room, with its copper bath by the window, and private courtyard. The more modern rooms have underfloor heating if that’s your thing. Rates are between £180–£465 a night.
The Witchery, Edinburgh
If you fancy taking role playing even further then we recommend a trip to The Witchery, at the gates of Edinburgh Castle. There are just seven suites on the top floor of this 17th century building so the chances of bumping into anyone you know are unlikely. The hotel specialises in theatrical decadence (don’t we all?) kitting out rooms, with names such as the Library, the Vestry and Inner Sanctum, with antiques, lavish velvet décor and oversized roll-top baths which their own website insists are big enough for two. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones have slept here, as has Dannii Minogue who described The Witchery as “the perfect lust-den”. And she looks like a lady who knows a perfect lust den when she sees one.
Adam & Eve, Turkey
If size matters, then head for the Adam & Eve on the Belek coastline. Not only does it boast of being “the world’s sexiest hotel”, it also lays claim to having the world’s longest swimming pool and an 88 meter long bar (though we’re not sure that speeds up the time it takes them to pull a pint). Its rooms go for the minimal and mirrored take on sexy, with a hi-tech lighting system to bathe the walls in any colour of your choosing. But the special touch is the addition of a couch/bed which can be manipulated into a position of your choosing, presumably so that you and your companion can also be manipulated into a position of your choosing. There are complimentary condoms in every bathroom too. It’d be rude not to have sex at the Adam & Eve after they’ve gone to so much effort.
Drakes Hotel, Brighton
We’ll end closer to home, Brighton to be precise. Long seen as the destination for dirty weekends with the wife (or more usually, someone else’s wife) Brighton offers superb seaside views and a changeable weather system to give you the perfect excuse to stay in bed. And you can’t stay in a finer, or bigger bed than the sumptuous seven-footer provided for you in room 104 of Drakes. This is where the celebs stay, when they’re down that way, taking advantage of the enormous free-standing bath and the beautiful sunsets over Brighton Pier. Rooms go for between £100 and £325, there’s a 24-hour bar, acclaimed restaurant, and massage service. Why would you ever go outside?
La Casa Que Canta, Playa La Ropa, Mexico
We're bordering on honeymoon territory here, so tread carefully when making the suggestion, but Playa La Ropa really does offer more than the stunning views and candle-light found elsewhere; perched on a cliff surrounded by the Sea of Zihuatanejo Bay, the resort is an architectural dream with some of the most elegant pools in the world, including several private ones within suites - perfect for a late night skinny-dip. If you want further evidence of the beauty, rent out the flick When A Man Loves A Woman, which was set at the very hotel.
Turtle Island Turtle Island, Fiji
One night might cost more than your entire annual mortgage (rates vary depending on time of year), but if you really want to do things in style, there's probably nowhere better than Turtle Island. Described by travel-bible Conde Nast Traveler as "hyper-romantic", the resort was chosen as the location for film The Blue Lagoon and offers the usual high-end golf-courses, pools and pristine beaches, although we wouldn't be surprised if you didn't want to leave your suite, where you can order in couples massages and moonlit dinner on the terrace. Trust us, for the indulgence, you will be rewarded (or at least you’d hope).
You may also be interested in:
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